F*cking Sigh
PainFuneral was Friday 06/11. Beautiful funeral...laid rhododendrons on the casket that were named Alice. (In case you didn't guess that was Grandma's name). Dad spoke about her life...and everyone was saying over and over how amazing it was.
Dad had something special for me. When I was 12 I went to my uncle's jewelry shop and made Grandma an angel of gold with an amethyst for her head. Dad looked after her for the last 2 years of her life...and said she never took it off. It is mine now. I don't think I will ever take it off.
On Tuesday we found out that my aunt, Dad's sister, has a tumor. 5cm...but that could be 'the tip of the iceburg'.
Her son's wife has also got cancer. She was diagnosed about a year or 2 ago and has been taken off chemo because she was not strong enough for it. She has gone back onto it again...but she is not strong.
Sigh. Just sigh.
Oh and there are somethings I have just given up on. Too painful to continue and somethings love and bliss just cannot teach you.
--
If home is where the heart is, then my heart is in many places...~Just the words of one lowly, lovelorn, lost poet
doing ok. living i guess
--
realise. real eyes. real lies.
'how can i want to die when i never wanted to live in the first place'.
crazy is in the mind of the beholder. (copyrighted to me!!! i made up that quote!!!!
This is the text:
"No i'm not ok, im tired of tellin' ppl 'im fine' 'im here' or whatever when im not ok. 'i'm here' but it doesn't feel like enough anymore. I'm here, doin' what? Livin' half-assed, that's what. I'm tired, i'm bored, i'm feelin' close to dead or a machine. I'm just here.. And empty. And am afraid to b full, to be somethin' more than here, somethin' burning with life. That's how i rly feel n that's how i've felt 4 a while."
His answer was to try something new.
I have know idea what that means... well I do and I don't...
I wonder if sex is the answer... Hn.
Must be a guy thing. Who knows.
Anyway, there was a point to all that. I wish I could say I was living...
On the flip side, I'm planning to get a tattoo just to commemorate you. I think you're gonna love it.
--
If home is where the heart is, then my heart is in many places...~Just the words of one lowly, lovelorn, lost poet
God Butterfly, I know to the letter what you mean in that text.
It hurts so bad to live like that...but stopping it is also really hard.
Something new is always good though and sex can be a fun something new to do. Not something to do just for something to do though. *cough, I'm a hypocrite cough*
Omg...I am now dying of curiosity...when are you going to get your tatt? And when is the absolute soonest I can see what it is?
--
realise. real eyes. real lies.
'how can i want to die when i never wanted to live in the first place'.
crazy is in the mind of the beholder. (copyrighted to me!!! i made up that quote!!!!
--
Solitare is like life, just because you have all the ace's, all the right things, doesn't mean you'll necesarily win.
~Self-InjuryClub
*EverybodyPlush
--
If home is where the heart is, then my heart is in many places...~Just the words of one lowly, lovelorn, lost poet
--
realise. real eyes. real lies.
'how can i want to die when i never wanted to live in the first place'.
crazy is in the mind of the beholder. (copyrighted to me!!! i made up that quote!!!!
--
If home is where the heart is, then my heart is in many places...~Just the words of one lowly, lovelorn, lost poet
--
Reality is what you make it.
Realty is just a job.
Heehee hello
--
realise. real eyes. real lies.
'how can i want to die when i never wanted to live in the first place'.
crazy is in the mind of the beholder. (copyrighted to me!!! i made up that quote!!!!
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